Detox

I started smoking almost a year ago... I never smoke when I am home , and I never get the feeling that "I need a cigarette ". I smoke because it relaxes me, and earns me a few stress-free moments... I know that this sounds ridiculous but I actually feel that the stress is going to kill me sooner than smoking will! Besides, I do not smoke THAT much, or THAT often. As a last resort (in case all else fails) I have promised myself to stop smoking by the age of 30.. That gives me quite a lot of time to slowly kill myself :p
Smoking is a bad habit I intentionally acquired in order to compensate for hundreds and hundreds of other personal feats: I am an obsessive, compulsive distorted person! The worst thing to obsess about, is not some crazy action like lining up the pens or something like that, Its to obsess about something you feel... Or someone you feel a lot of things for... Or even for someone you THINK you feel a lot of thing things.... Anyway you know where I`m getting at...
2 months detox... Still a lot of way to go... and even now that I know its stupid to feel that way, I can`t help it! I miss someone who never was never close to my soul to begin with.... I know I should find something else to keep my mind occupied. But I refuse. It only lasts for a few minutes anyway...